I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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