Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
