Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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