we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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