no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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