Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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