I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yo dont text me then not text me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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