i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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