Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im six kinds of drunk right now
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
