hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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