Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
