Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
