Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Floor bacon is actually really good
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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