Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
