I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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