I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
