Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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