and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
