last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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