I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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