At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
