your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize