Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
