last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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