You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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