Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
