drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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