I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
