you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize