Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
