Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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