some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
