After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
