Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
