My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
