They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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