OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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