You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
