if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
