So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
