Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
