I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
