your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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