Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
