She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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