my soul wont recognize me after tonight
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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