Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Never joke about your clitoris.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
