great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
This beer is not sobering me up at all
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
