Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
