I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize