OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
