God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
