i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
