yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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