afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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