I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
