some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
