I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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