Define "chronic" masturbator.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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