This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You are the jesus of drinking
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
