i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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