You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
