Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The air was thick with penises
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
