she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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