Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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