Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
