Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
