god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
