Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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