I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
