Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
