$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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