when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
