so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
