if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
