Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
