no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
