we're blogging at a bar
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
