FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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