Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
